My husband was shocked and hurt when I asked for a divorce after thirty years of marriage. He felt he had always been a good husband. But I had a reason he didn\u2019t even guessed about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Isn\u2019t it funny how people\u2019s perceptions of the very same event can be so different? Even something like a marriage. My husband Zack thought he was a happily married man, I knew I was unhappy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our two realities finally clashed when I asked him for a divorce on our thirtieth wedding anniversary, two weeks after our third and youngest child left home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He stood there staring at me in absolute shock. \u201cWhat?\u201d he asked. \u201cWho\u2019s getting a divorce?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou,\u201d I told him. \u201cOr rather, I am.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Zack sat down heavily, still staring. \u201cYou\u2019re divorcing me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I repeated. \u201cI\u2019m divorcing you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut why?\u201d he cried, and I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. \u201cI love you, Kelly, I always have, and I never cheated on you, not ever!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s true,\u201d I said. \u201cYou never cheated and you never drank or gambled.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the most important things in a relationship is to LISTEN to what the other person is really saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut\u2026Then why?\u201d he asked angrily. \u201cI did NOTHING and you\u2019re divorcing me? Are you having an affair?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNO!\u201d I cried. \u201cI\u2019m not! Do you want to know why I\u2019m leaving you, Zack? I\u2019ll tell you\u2026\u201d I walked right up to him and looked him in the eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m leaving you because you did NOTHING! When the children came and I was holding a full-time job and coming home to do the housework alone, you did NOTHING.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen I was so ill I could barely get out of bed, you did NOTHING; when my father died and I was devastated by grief, you did NOTHING; when I went through menopause and had depression, you did NOTHING.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen I was so sad that our two oldest children left home, you did NOTHING. You never brought me a flower just to say you loved me, you never stood up for me when your mother was so mean to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat time I twisted my ankle and I could barely walk, I had to get out of bed at 6:00 am and fix breakfast \u2014 and you lay there snoring and did NOTHING. Nothing seems to be what you do best!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou never told me!\u201d Zack cried with an injured look on his face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI told you every time I asked for your help,\u201d I said. \u201cEvery time I snuggled up for a kiss and you were more interested in what was on TV. I told you when I begged for your love and attention, for romance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI told you five years ago when I asked you to go to couples therapy with me and you refused because there was NOTHING wrong and you were happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe can go now,\u201d Zack said hopefully. \u201cSet up the appointment and I\u2019ll come!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course, now that you see me determined to leave,\u201d I commented. \u201cBut you don\u2019t actually care enough to go look for a therapist and set up the appointment yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease, Kelly,\u201d Zack begged. \u201cPlease give me a chance to make you happy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stared at him and a deep sadness welled up in my heart. I shook my head. \u201cAt any time in the last thirty years, I would have given anything to hear you say those words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNow I look at you and all I feel is sadness \u2014 and pity. You\u2019ve never bothered to make me happy before Zack, and honestly, I\u2019m not wasting one more day of my life on you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I moved out the next day and found myself a pretty little apartment in Venice Beach and started a new life. I sold my car and started cycling everywhere even to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My children were shocked, especially my oldest daughter Amy who told me her father was devastated and seeing a therapist for depression. I was sorry for him, but my own happiness was finally my priority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took up dancing, made new friends, threw out the dowdy old wardrobe that I\u2019d bought to please Zack, and changed my hair. My children were stunned and said I looked twenty years younger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt younger and pretty, and energetic, and hopeful. A year later, I met Sam, a sweet, considerate man who spoils me, lavishes care and attention on me, and wants to marry me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I guess I\u2019m still a bit nervous about taking the big step again, but we\u2019ve set a date for the summer. I couldn\u2019t have fallen for a nicer man, and I am finally learning what real love is all about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As for Zack, I hear he is now dating a much younger woman who orders him around like a slave, has him hopping to her every whim, and spends his hard-earned money like water. I guess we all get what we deserve!<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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